Quotes for
Sam the Eagle (Character)
from "The Muppet Show" (1976)

Muppet*vision 3-D (1991)

Kermit the Frog: We will also see a rousing finale from Sam the Eagle. What's it called, Sam?
Sam the Eagle: It's called "A Salute to All Nations, But Mostly America".

Kermit the Frog: Sam, are you ready with that finale?
Sam the Eagle: It's a glorious three-hour finale!
Kermit the Frog: You got a minute and a half.

Sam the Eagle: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is my honor to present to you... Mr. Mickey Mouse!
Rizzo the Rat: [singing to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club March] Oh, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Hi there, welcome to my park, how'ya doin'...
Sam the Eagle: Wait a minute! You are not Mickey Mouse! You are a rat!
Rizzo the Rat: Rat, schmat! Besides, they're tourists. What do they know?

Sam the Eagle: Will you stop this foolishness?
The Great Gonzo: What foolishness would you like to see?

Sam the Eagle: Upon entering the theater, please move as far to the end of the row as possible. Stopping in the middle is distinctly unpatriotic.

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The Muppets (2011)

Sam Eagle: Hello.
Rowlf: Hello.
Link Hogthrob: Hello.
Beaker: Mee-Meep.
[sees an ax in his own hands, freaks out a bit while getting rid of it to grab a hairdryer]
Beaker: Mee-Meep.
Rowlf, Sam Eagle, Link Hogthrob, Beaker: Hello.

Rowlf: [singing] An Albino.
Sam Eagle: [singing] A Mosquito.
Beaker: [singing] Mee-mee-mee-mo.

Sam Eagle: This week on "Everything Stinks"...
[gets pulled away by a cane]

Sweetums: [picks up his phone] Hello?... You want to gives us money?
[turns to Sam]
Sam Eagle: Say "yes"!
Sweetums: [returns to the phone] Yes, We wiil take that money.

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"The Muppet Show: Episode #2.13" (1977)

Sam the American Eagle: Oh, to have the brilliant, talented Rudolf Nureyev on our show! He's my favorite opera singer.

Sam the American Eagle: Now, remember. When Mr. Nureyev arrives, we must be dignified, we must be respectful.
Rudolf Nureyev: [wearing street clothes] Hey, you guys. Here I am.
Sam the American Eagle: Not for long, you are not! We are waiting for Mr. Nureyev.
Kermit: Hey...
Sam the American Eagle: I'll handle this.
[pushes Rudolf out the door]
Sam the American Eagle: Get out of here, you freak! You hippie! You weirdo! Get out! Move, move! Get a hair cut! Who do these punk kids think they are?
Kermit: That one thinks he's Rudolf Nureyev.
Sam the American Eagle: What?
Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev.

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The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Sam the Eagle: You are all - WEIRDOS.

Sam the Eagle: It's times like these, I'm proud to be an American.

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The Muppet Show: Sex and Violence (1975) (TV)

Sgt. Floyd Pepper: Can you believe this cat?
Sam The Eagle: I am not a cat, I am a bird.
Sgt. Floyd Pepper: You may be a bird, but you ain't the bird.

Sam The Eagle: Do we want an eighth deadly sin for the pageant?
Nigel: Which one?
Sam The Eagle: [Into phone] Who's your eight?
[To Nigel]
Sam The Eagle: Wearing funny pants to a funeral.

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The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Sam the Eagle: Tomorrow, you become a man of business!
Young Scrooge: I'm looking forward to it, Headmaster.
Sam the Eagle: Mm, you will love business. It is the AMERICAN WAY!
Gonzo: [whispers] Sam...
[whispers in Sam's ear]
Sam the Eagle: Oh... It is the BRITISH WAY!
Young Scrooge: Yes, headmaster.

Sam the Eagle: Work hard, lad, and one day, your life will be as solid as this very building!
[the shelf collapses behind him]
Sam the Eagle: Huh. I've been meaning to fix that shelf!

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It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (2002) (TV)

Sam the Eagle: It seems the words on my mug are right: "It is hard to soar with Eagles when you work with Turkeys."

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"The Muppet Show: Episode #1.15" (1976)

Candice Bergen: She was so unsophisticated, she thought Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup.
[entire panel laughs hysterically except for Sam]
Sam the American Eagle: You mean it isn't an Italian soup?
Mildred: And he calls himself a world traveler?
Sam the American Eagle: No, now wait, I have been to restaurants where I've ordered Marcello Mastroianni, and I've gotten it.
Candice Bergen: Really? What did you get?
Sam the American Eagle: A swarthy, good-looking man sitting in a bowl. I always send him back.
Candice Bergen: What do you get when you order a Russian dressing? Rudolf Nureyev putting on his tights?

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"The Muppet Show: Episode #3.12" (1978)

Sam the American Eagle: Ah, Beethoven. Finally! Well, for Beethoven I will stay. He's my favorite playwright.

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The Muppet Movie (1979)

Sam the Eagle: Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?

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"The Muppet Show: Episode #2.6" (1977)

Sam the American Eagle: I would just like to say a few words about nudity in the world today. And I, for one, am just appalled by it. Why, did you know that underneath their clothing, the entire population of the world is walking around completely naked? Hmm? Is that disgusting? And it's not just people, although, goodness knows, that's bad enough, but animals too. Even cute little doggies and pussycats can't be trusted. Underneath their fur, absolutely naked! And it's not just the quadripeds, neither. Birds too. Yeah! Beneath those fine feathers, birds wear nothing. Nothing at all! Abs...
[realizes and walks off, covering himself]

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"The Muppet Show: Episode #3.7" (1978)

Sam the American Eagle: Mr. Cooper.
Alice Cooper: [turns abruptly to face him, wearing much goth make-up] Yes?
Sam the American Eagle: Oh, good grief! Let me come right to the point. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako!
Alice Cooper: [smiling] Why, thank you!
Sam the American Eagle: Freakos: One. Civilization: Zero.

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"The Muppet Show: Elton John (#2.14)" (1977)

Sam the American Eagle: Kermit, about this Elton John.
Kermit: Yeah?
Sam the American Eagle: I have seen some pretty WEIRD guests on this show, but this Elton John borders on the revolutionary!
Kermit: Sam, Elton John is a very important musician.
Sam the American Eagle: Then why does he dress like a stolen car?

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A Muppet Family Christmas (1987) (TV)

Doc: Careful, Sprocket. These may be from some foreign planet.
Emily 'Ma' Bear: Actually, they're from television. I recognize Fozzie's weirdo friends.
Dr. Teeth: Yeah, and we're proud of it too!
Sam the Eagle: Why am I here?

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The Muppets Go to the Movies (1981) (TV)

Sam the Eagle: [translating Gummo Bergman's "Silent Strawberries"] Ah, well, since you do not wish death, then how about a rubber chicken?

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