Miss Piggy
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Quotes for
Miss Piggy (Character)
from "The Muppet Show" (1976)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Muppets from Space (1999)
Gonzo: People of Earth, do not be alarmed!
Miss Piggy: Oh brother.

Miss Piggy: Hello little people. What an absolutely splendid day.

Miss Piggy: Quick, somebody knock and see if Barbie's home!

Miss Piggy: We're going to pause here and we'll be right back with Gonzo, the Geek Who Fell to Earth.

Miss Piggy: What are you doing here?
Gonzo: I'm making contact. What are you doing?

Gonzo: Rizzo?
Rizzo: Gonzo?
Miss Piggy: Kermy?
Kermit: Piggy?
TV Producer: What is going on here?

Agent Barker: Black belt, third degree.
Miss Piggy: Platinum belt, with an unlimited line of credit.

Agent Barker: How about this story? It's about a big, bad wolf and a little pig.
Miss Piggy: Um, that's three pigs, okay?
Agent Barker: Not in this version.

Miss Piggy: Oh! A real story. Intrigue! Danger! New outfits! And it's mine, mine, mine, all mine, a ha ha ha ha... (to camera) Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?

Miss Piggy: I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government and it could be a life-threatening situation!
Kermit: How can that be great news?
Miss Piggy: Because, I've got a story, I've got a story! Oh! I need to change! Something that says journalistic integrity.

Kermit: He's one of us. And no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles we face, we NEVER forget one of our own.
Miss Piggy: I love it when you take charge.
Fozzie Bear: Hey! We left Bunsen and Beaker back at the gas station.
Kermit: Okay... Well, uh, from THIS point on , no matter what happens, we never forget one of our own.

Miss Piggy: Hello! What's a nice man like *you* doing in a guardhouse like *this*?

Miss Piggy: Midnight. The lone alien stands before a naked sky. The mood is tense. My hair looks *great.*

Kermit: [after the 'Door in a Jar' forms but the door is too small] Gee, that's disappointing.
Miss Piggy: Perfect. Somebody knock and see if Barbie's home.


The Great Muppet Caper (1981)
Miss Piggy: [to Nicky] You! It was you! Kermit was right! You're a phony. You're a phony! Yes, you are! And you know what, you can't even sing! Your voice was dubbed!

Miss Piggy: [Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie] Why are you telling me all this?
Lady Holiday: It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.

[Piggy's truck runs out of gas]
Miss Piggy: What am I? A glutton for punishment?

Miss Piggy: [about Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem's playing] They don't have to play this loud.
Kermit: That's okay, they don't mind.

Nicky Holiday: Miss Piggy... You're a very different looking woman. I'm so tired of the same type, those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin...
Miss Piggy: Yeah, well, I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.

Prison Guard: Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy: What?
Prison Guard: Your lawyer is here to see you.
Miss Piggy: Lawyer? I don't have a lawyer.
Prison Guard: Och, sure you do. Little green guy.
Miss Piggy: [short intake of breath] Kermie. Oh. No wonder he hasn't come by to see me. He had to finish law school.

Lady Holiday: Carla, the neckline on that gown is too high, don't you think?
Carla: I rather like the effect.
Lady Holiday: You like looking like an ostrich?
Carla: [miffed] Of course not, Lady Holiday.
Lady Holiday: And Marla. Too many frills and furbelows, I don't think we should strive for the fan-tailed pigeon look, do you? And you, Darla, that outfit's the pits. Loose where it should be tight and tight where it should be loose, like the folds on a turkey's neck. Why would I design such atrocious looking clothes?
[sitting down with a heavy sigh]
Lady Holiday: I *must* be getting senile.
[she presses a button on her desk]
Voice over intercom: Yes, Lady Holiday?
Lady Holiday: We have to make drastic changes in the new line before the show tomorrow, all my girls are going around looking like barnyard animals.
Miss Piggy: Ahem!
Lady Holiday: Good heavens, who are you?
Miss Piggy: My name is Miss Piggy, and I would like to be a high-fashion model!
Lady Holiday: Doesn't surprise me. Seems to be the way we're headed.

Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermy! Oh, I've missed you so!
Kermit: [stiffly] Please, the name is Rosenthal.
[lowers voice]
Kermit: I'm your attorney, that's the only way they'd let me in here.
Miss Piggy: Oh, right! Oh, I've missed you so... Rosenthal. It's been an eternity.
Kermit: [puzzled] It's been forty-five minutes.
Miss Piggy: Time goes slow in the cooler.

Miss Piggy: Adios, mon cherie.

Miss Piggy: [at the supper club] Well, what a delightful menu!
[Kermit looks at the menu and gasps]
Miss Piggy: What?
Kermit: [nervously] Oh, hah, nothing, it's just sort of amusing that the roast beef is the same price as an Oldsmobile.

Kermit: Piggy? Piggy, you're overacting.
Miss Piggy: What?
Kermit: You're overacting. You're hamming it up!
Miss Piggy: I am not! I am trying to save this movie.
Kermit: Yeah, well save your performance instead!

Miss Piggy: Well, as you can see from this small sampling, modeling is my life. It is my destiny, I shall accept nothing less.
Lady Holiday: I can offer you a job as a receptionist.
Miss Piggy: [jumping up and down and shouting] AAAAAAAHHHHH! I'll take it! I'll take it! Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, you won't be sorry, I promise. I can type, I can take shorthand, I can make coffee, I can do it all!
Lady Holiday: Sit.
[Miss Piggy immediately sits down and calms herself]
Miss Piggy: I can sit. I'm very good at sitting.


The Muppet Movie (1979)
[Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood]
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.
Kermit: Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.
Floyd Pepper: Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!
Lord's Secretary: [closes the door] And where do you think you're going?
Kermit: Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.
Lord's Secretary: You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.
Kermit: Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?
[Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary: This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...
[sneezes]
Lord's Secretary: ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.
Kermit: Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance, and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?
[the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary: [on the phone] Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...
[the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door]

[Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie]
Miss Piggy: [desperate] Please! Please! Not my frog, please!
Max Krassman: Say goodbye to your frog, pig!
Miss Piggy: Why should I?
Max Krassman: Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.
Miss Piggy: [furious] That does it!

Miss Piggy: [gushing] Ooh, you mad, impetuous thing, it's champagne!
Insolent Waiter: Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.

Kermit: Miss Piggy, you look beautiful!
Miss Piggy: Thank you!
Kermit: [aside] Hollywood talk.

Miss Piggy: Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
Kermit: Uh... motorcycle cop.
Miss Piggy: "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?
Kermit: A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!
Kermit: Gee, I don't know what to say.
Fozzie: Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.
Gonzo: And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!
Miss Piggy: Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!
Kermit: Gee.
Fozzie: Oh, brother.

Kermit: [asks the waiter to taste the wine for him and Miss Piggy] Will you taste it for us, please?
Insolent Waiter: [tastes the wine, makes a face and spits it out] Ooh! Ah... Excellent - choice.
Kermit: [to Miss Piggy] Should be, for ninety-five cents.
Miss Piggy: [impressed] Ooooh!

Dr. Teeth: It's the man with the badge, the PO-lice, the cops, the fuzz, the P-I-...
Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!
Dr. Teeth: I wouldn't think of it.

Insolent Waiter: Miss Piggy? Miss Piggy! Are you Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy: Yes.
Insolent Waiter: Telephone.

Kermit: [as he and the gang enter his office] Um, Mr. Lord, forgive the interruption, but I'm here to audition.
All Muppets: Yes! Yes!
Kermit: We've come over 2000 miles, and...
[Stops when Lew Lord turns around in his chair to face him, making him nervous now]
Kermit: Um... oh boy.
Miss Piggy: Kermie, we are all with you.
Kermit: Um, please sir, my name is Kermit the Frog, and we've read your ad, and, well, we've come to be rich and famous.
Lew Lord: [Has a brief staredown with Kermit, then into his intercom] Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company.
[They all look stunned for a moment, then all the rest of the Muppets start cheering and celebrating behind Kermit, who just looks on shocked and starry-eyed]

Rowlf the Dog: It's the fuzz, the police, the man with the badge. The P - I...
Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!
Rowlf the Dog: Oh, I wouldn't think of it.


"Muppet Babies: Nice to Have Gnome You (#8.5)" (1991)
Piggy: [stepping on Fozzie's collection of whoopie cushions] Where are we?
Gonzo: Uh, this is the land of Whoopie.
Piggy: Oh brother, Alice in Whoopieland.

Piggy: What's this?
Gonzo: Labyrinth card.
Piggy: I can't believe he said that, can you?

Piggy: Oh, I'll never find my book in time.
Gonzo: Goblins probably took it.
Piggy: Huh? *gasp* Gonzo?
Gonzo: Uh-uh, Gonzo, Head Troll around here, all the goblins know me.

Gonzo: So uh, what's this about your book?
Piggy: Well, I got it from the library last week, but now...
Gonzo: Ah! It could be, in there!
[points to the Labyrinth]
Piggy: What is that?
Gonzo: Public Labyrinth.
Piggy: Public what?
Gonzo: Labyrinth, kind of like a maze. Goblins take books there!
Piggy: They do?

Piggy: What happened to you guys?
Rowlf: When?
Fozzie: Is this a riddle?
Rowlf: He loves riddles.
Fozzie: Yeah, wanna do a knock-knock?
Piggy: Uh-uh, could you guys tell me which way to go?
Rowlf: Who?
Fozzie: Us?
Rowlf: No way.
Fozzie: We don't know anything.
Rowlf: We could tell you a lot of jokes though.
Fozzie: Why did the...
Piggy: Knock it off!
[Fozzie and Rowlf shrink back]
Piggy: Now, what door leads to my book?
Fozzie: We give up.
Rowlf: Which one?
Fozzie: I don't think she knows.
Rowlf: It's not fair to ask riddles if you don't know the answers.
Piggy: It wasn't a riddle, it was just a question!

Piggy: You're a mouse.
Kermit: Uh-huh, so are you. Want some cheese?
Piggy: So am I what?
Kermit: A mouse, here, take a look.
Piggy: [screams] I'm a mouse!
Kermit: That's what I said.
Piggy: Well what happened? I don't want to be a mouse.
Kermit: Well um, I think you sort of fell into my imagination, sorry.
Piggy: Can you believe this?
Kermit: Are you sure you don't want some cheese?

Piggy: Scooter, Skeeter, is that you?
Skeeter: Uh huh, we're cater... pillars.
Scooter: Hey, we're mice! What happened?
Piggy: Don't ask.
Kermit: I guess imaginations go kind of crazy around all these books.

Skeeter: Have you hugged your book today, Piggy?
[laughs]
Piggy: Boy, for a librarian, she sure gets around.

Piggy: [Nanny's asleep watching a cooking show] Nanny, what would the library do if someone actually lost their book?
TV chef: Well first we chop off their little heads!
Piggy: Really?
TV chef: Then we plump them into boiling water until the skin comes off and they get all soft and mussy.
Gonzo: Boy, these library people are serious!
Piggy: Come on, let's get out of here!
[run out of the room]
TV chef: And in 20 minutes, you have a delicious bellaruff modernuff turnip souffle. Bon appetite!


The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)
[Kermit, suffering from amnesia, doesn't remember he is engaged to Miss Piggy]
Kermit the Frog: Me? In love with a pig? Wait 'til I tell the guys in marketing.
[laughing]
Kermit the Frog: Maybe you expected me to go HOG-wild? Perhaps you could bring home the BACON! Ahhh... the sounds of love: su-EEEEE! Oink, oink!
Miss Piggy: Cancel the show! Hi-yah!
[Karate chops Kermit]

Miss Piggy: I spy because I care!
Kermit the Frog: Well I care, too!
Miss Piggy: Well, *why* don't you say so?
Kermit the Frog: I JUST DID!
Miss Piggy: ALL RIGHT!
[They start screaming, then try to catch their breath]
Roller Skater: Keep the skates. Keep the skates. I don't use 'em anyway; I just like to run around in shorts.

[Gonzo uses mouth-to-mouth resuicitation on his chicken]
Miss Piggy: Gonzo, is Camilla all right?
Gonzo: Yeah, but I think we're engaged!

Miss Piggy: Oh, dear Lord! Not jogging!

Baby Kermit: [Muppet Babies, singing] She's gonna be a movie star. And she's gonna learn to drive a car; she's gonna be a vet'rinarian, too.
[to Kermit]
Miss Piggy: And I'm gonna always love you-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
Fozzie Bear: Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa-whoa-whoa!
Scooter: And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!
Rowlf: She'll be a doctor of diseases and help you with your sneezes...
Gonzo: ...and practice neurosurgery on your brain!

Kermit the Frog: [whispering] Piggy, I thought Gonzo was gonna play the minister.
Miss Piggy: [laughs]
The Minister: [singing] Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you?
Miss Piggy: [singing] I do.
The Minister: [singing] Do you, Froggie, take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife until you die?
Kermit the Frog: [hesitantly singing] Well... I...
The Minister: [singing] Do you?
Kermit the Frog: [as everyone else listens intently for his decision; still singing] Well... I do.
The Minister: [singing] Then because you share a love so big, I now pronounce you Frog and Pig.

Roller Skater: Can I get my skates back please?
Kermit the Frog: Hey, hey just a second. How did you know about that "toupe"?
Miss Piggy: None of your beeswax!
Kermit the Frog: Hey have you been spying on me?
Roller Skater: I'll unlace them, while you fight. It's no trouble.
Kermit the Frog: Piggy! Have you been spying on me?
Miss Piggy: Maybe spying on vous and that certain young girl of the opposite gender.
Roller Skater: You two-timing her?
Kermit the Frog: No that's just Jenny. She's a friend. She's a friend and she's been trying to help me sell the show.
Miss Piggy: Ha!
Roller Skater: [to Piggy] He's gotta sell the show.
[to Kermit]
Roller Skater: What show?
Miss Piggy: Well if she is just a friend then what about the... the huggies?
Kermit the Frog: What?
Roller Skater: [shocked] The Huggies! You gave Jenny the huggies?
Miss Piggy: You know maybe, maybe Kermit, maybe it would have been better if we had never have met. Then, then you and Jenny would not be tormented by my presence.
[sobbing]
Kermit the Frog: Oh gee.
Roller Skater: See what the huggies'll getcha?


The Muppets (2011)
Miss Piggy: Kermit, we found a celebrity! Jack Black has graciously agreed to host the show for us.
Kermit the Frog: That's great! Where is he?
Miss Piggy: In the trunk.
Jack Black: [Inside car trunk] Get me out of here!

Swedish Chef: No masken?
Miss Piggy: No Masken.

Miss Piggy's Receptionist: Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy: [as she's eating a doughnut] What? Can't you see that I'm busy?

Miss Piggy: I can't believe I fell for Muppet Man!

Miss Poogy: Sorry, Miss Piggy. But you've been replaced... Permanently!
Miss Piggy: Oh, yeah?
Miss Poogy: Yeah!
Miss Piggy: I don't think so... sister!
Miss Poogy: Who are you calling 'sister', sister?
Miss Piggy: Oh, look! An omelette station.
Miss Poogy: Where?
Miss Piggy: HIYA! There's only room for one Miss Piggy. And that's moi.
Miss Poogy: Yeah? Well, you ain't seen the last of me. I'll be back.
Miss Piggy: Yesh, yeah, ever heard of mouthwash?


It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (2002) (TV)
Rachel Bitterman: You are very fit for a plus sized pig.
Miss Piggy: And you will not look good with a plus sized lip.

The Great Gonzo: [Gonzo into a walkie talkie] Gonzo to Scooter, Gonzo to Scooter. Bring home the bacon. Over.
Scooter: 10-4. Bacon down. Bacon down.
Rizzo the rat: [pulls on string trying to lift down Miss Piggy] Roger. Bacon down. Bacon down.
Miss Piggy: Will you hurry up? Don't make me miss my cue!
Scooter: The ham is jammed. Repeat the ham is jammed.

Kermit: Uh, merry Christmas. I can see you really like cats.
Miss Piggy: Doesn't everyone?

Kermit: [as Miss Piggy is advertising over the phone] Piggy, what are you doing? You're not Jamaican.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, well I'm not psychic either.

Miss Piggy: [after being interrupted in her big musical number] Will everybody stop singing different songs? I can't remember which one I'm supposed to sing!
Scooter: [runs on stage] Excuse me, pardon me, sorry. Santa Baby, from "bee-dooby doo."
Miss Piggy: Oh yeah. Right. Bee-dooby doo...


Muppets Most Wanted (2014)
Walter: Do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?
Miss Piggy: That's ridiculous! He's never been so caring and devoted to me!
Rizzo: Yeah, that's what we are saying!

Miss Piggy: Ich bin ein berliner.
Floyd Pepper: More like "Ein frankfurter".

Miss Piggy: You may be the world's most dangerous frog, but you're still just a FROG!
[beats up Constantine]
Constantine: [dazed] What a woman...
Kermit: Yeah, MY woman! And I believe this belongs to you!
[smacks Constantine with his mole]

Kermit: Piggy, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding...
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie. I'm so glad you did.
[they kiss]


The Muppets' Wizard of Oz (2005) (TV)
[as the Wicked Witch of the West]
Miss Piggy: Hahahaha! I'm not melting! Ah nuts!
[begins to melt]

Miss Piggy (as Tattypoo): [looking at the silver slippers] And look how sparkly they are!
Dorothy: [in sing-song tone] Uh-uh!
[Piggy and the Munchkinlanders feign laughter]
Miss Piggy (as Tattypoo): Listen, high pockets, here's how things work in enchanted lands. Shoes have magical powers. If you have the shoes, you get the powers. But if you're going to question every little detail, the whole thing's gonna fall apart and we might as well call it a day, okay?
[Piggy turns away from her]
Miss Piggy (as Tattypoo): They're Manolos...!
The Munchkinlanders: [taunting her] Manolos!
Dorothy: Manolos! Why didn't you say so?
[grabs shoes from Tattypoo]

Miss Piggy: [as the Wicked Witch of the West] There's only room for one diva in Oz, and that is moi!

Dorothy: Mr. Kermit! Miss Piggy!
Miss Piggy: [hushed voice go Kermit] Oh great, a groupie.
[normal voice]
Miss Piggy: Sorry dear, no autographs.
Dorothy: Actually, I wanted to sing for you, but if it's too late do you think maybe you can listen to my demo?
Miss Piggy: No time. We'll have to get your song off Napster.


"Muppet Babies: Bearly Alone Babies (#8.3)" (1991)
Nanny: Piggy!
Piggy: Coming, Nanny!
[trips]
Nanny: [under her breath] Give me strength.

Piggy: Goof, come on, follow me.
[steps on Fozzie's rubber chicken, slides into the next room and crashes]
Gonzo: Follow that? Madonna couldn't follow that!

Gonzo: [hiding in the closet, only their eyes visible] Uh... I hate to mention this but uh, how many of us came in here?
Scooter: [among the jumble] Let's see, there's you...
Piggy, Scooter, Skeeter: Four?
Gonzo: Right, so uh, who's he?
[nods up to a 5th set of eyes]

Scooter: What about those guys we saw at the window?
Gonzo: Set a booby trap!
Fozzie: Uh uh.
Piggy: Drop him in the laundry!
Fozzie: Nope.
Gonzo: Trip him with a rope.
Fozzie: Tried that.
Piggy: Put a bag on his head!
Fozzie: Tried all that stuff.


"The Muppet Show: Loretta Swit (#5.2)" (1980)
Loretta Swit: Oh, now, Kermit, you know how important Miss Piggy is to this show.
Kermit the Frog: Well...
Loretta Swit: And, Miss Piggy, you know you wouldn't be happy anywhere else.
Miss Piggy: Hmmm...
Loretta Swit: Aw, so come on now, let's sing a nice, warm, lovely together song.
Kermit the Frog: I hate sappy songs like that!
Loretta Swit: Alright then, why don't you two just kiss and make up?
Kermit the Frog: Well, let's sing the sappy song!
Miss Piggy: You don't make it easy, Frog!

Kermit the Frog: Piggy, have you been planting items about us in the gossip papers again?
Miss Piggy: Um... well... uh... uh... what would make you think a thing like that?
Kermit the Frog: The photographer who was just here. He was from Tongue Magazine.
Miss Piggy: Oh. Uh-huh... Well, it was just a little teeny-tiny item.
Kermit the Frog: [Getting angry] It was a cover story about us being secretly married!
Miss Piggy: Just a little slight exaggeration.
Kermit the Frog: [shouting] That's a bold-faced *lie*, Piggy! I will not stand around while you do dumb things like that, Piggy! You've done that to me too many times, Piggy! I will not stand for it! I will not stand for it!
Miss Piggy: Well, what are you going to do?
Kermit the Frog: [Still shouting] I'll *tell* you what I'm going to do, Piggy. I'm going to *fire* you! Piggy, you are fired! You are fired, Piggy! You are fired! Fired!
[breathes heavily]

Miss Piggy: [Kermit just shouted at Piggy that he is firing her] You're not kidding?
Kermit the Frog: [shouting] I am not kidding!
Miss Piggy: But... But I'm in the next number!
Kermit the Frog: I will cancel...
[calling out]
Kermit the Frog: Cancel the next number! Put on the Snorers' Chorus instead. Snorers? Snorers' Chorus, get the Snorers' Chorus on stage!
[the crew bring the Snorers' Chorus out on the stage]
Miss Piggy: Hold it! Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's my number! You can't fire me, I'm the star!
Kermit the Frog: You can be replaced, Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Oh, oh, I see! Just try!
Kermit the Frog: I will, I will! I will replace you!


"The Muppet Show: Mummenschanz (#1.24)" (1977)
[Miss Piggy mistook Gonzo's love letter on her dressing room door for a letter from Kermit]
Gonzo: [singing] She kissed me... She put her arms around me and she kissed me...
Miss Piggy: It was a CASE of mistaken identity!
Gonzo: Oh, hug me Miss Piggy! HOLD me!
Miss Piggy: I will not hug you, you... TWIT TURKEY!
Gonzo: Hold my hand, pig of my dreams!
Miss Piggy: Will you beat it, twerp?
Gonzo: Just touch me, o hog of my heart!
Miss Piggy: Here's a touch for ya, wimp buzzard!
Gonzo: I'm ready!
[She karate chops him and leaves]
Gonzo: [singing] She touched me... She swung her porky pinky's and She touched me.

Kermit: Uh, Miss Piggy, while I am flattered at this display of affection, allow me to remind you once again that I do not want you.
Gonzo: [to Kermit] Oh, good, then can I have her?
[Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]
Miss Piggy: [to audience] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.

Miss Piggy: Kermit? That was a low and dirty trick, setting up a date with me and Gonzo. Wasn't it?
Kermit: Oh, yeah, yeah I suppose it was. Mhm, I'm sorry.
Miss Piggy: Oh! Kermit, thank you for apologizing so sincerely and abjectly to your lover pig.
Kermit: Well, that wasn't exactly an abject apology.
Miss Piggy: [Gonzo has come up behind Piggy and is nuzzling up to her] GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU TWIT TURKEY!
[to Kermit]
Miss Piggy: Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness...
[to Gonzo]
Miss Piggy: DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU JIVE GEEK!
[to Kermit]
Miss Piggy: ...why don't we just kissy-poo and make up, my darling?
[to Gonzo]
Miss Piggy: YOU'RE BREATHING ON ME!
[to Kermit]
Miss Piggy: Kissy-kissy?
Kermit: Uh, Miss Piggy, while I am flattered at this display of affection, allow me to remind you once again that I do not want you.
Gonzo: Oh, good, then can I have her?
Miss Piggy: [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.


"Muppet Babies: The Muppet Broadcasting Company (#3.5)" (1986)
All: [lightning strikes and puts out the power] Yipe!
Piggy: What happened?
Gonzo: I knew it!
All: What?
Gonzo: They're here.
Rowlf: Who?
Gonzo: The aliens! They've landed and drained the earth of all its electricity. They'll be coming for me next!
[runs and trips on the dominoes]
Gonzo: They got me!

Scooter: Hey, my computer won't work without power!
Rowlf: Yeah, neither will my record player.
Piggy: We can't even watch TV.
Kermit: Gee, without electricity we can't do anything.
Nanny: Of course you can, your imaginations work without electricity.

Nanny: When I was a little girl, I used to listen to radio dramas and imagine that I was in the stories.
Piggy: But radios don't work without electricity, Nanny.
Nanny: That's true, Piggy, but I've got some cassettes of old radio programs and a battery powered tape player. I'll get it for you.


"The Muppet Show: Rudolf Nureyev (#2.13)" (1978)
Rudolf Nureyev: Think of it. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. Today, I'm in a steam room with a lady pig.
Miss Piggy: Oh, yes, and isn't it heaven?
Rudolf Nureyev: I don't think heaven is this warm. It's more like the other place.

Miss Piggy: Look at the time!
Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Hey! The timing of the shrew!
Miss Piggy: Are you calling me a shrew?
Rowlf the Dog: If the shrew fits!


A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa (2008) (TV)
Miss Piggy: How long does it take to mail a stinking letter?
Kermit the Frog: Piggy, you have to be patient.
Miss Piggy: Well, I'm going to talk to the mayor.
Michael Bloomberg: Yes, Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy: Oh, Mayor Bloomberg! Take me to the front of this line.
Michael Bloomberg: Sorry, Miss Piggy, but that would be rude, and one thing New York is known for is niceness.
Miss Piggy: What has he done to this city?

Miss Piggy: Kermit, if you really want to go to the North Pole, then go ahead.
Kermit the Frog: Oh, thank you, Piggy.
Miss Piggy: And do me a favor. When you get there... stay there!


"The Muppet Show: The Stars of Star Wars (#4.17)" (1980)
[Luke Skywalker and C-3PO, from the movie Star Wars, are making a guest appearance on the show "Pigs in Space"]
Luke Skywalker: [pointing at Miss Piggy, who's dressed like Princess Leia] Look, it's the Princess!
C-3PO: She doesn't look like the Princess to me.
Miss Piggy: [sternly, to C-3PO] Watch it, hardware!

Miss Piggy: [pulling Luke down, dressed as Princess Leia] Look, Skywalker, play along or I'll cut you in half...
Luke Skywalker: Look! It's the princess!
C-3PO: She doesn't look like a princess.
Miss Piggy: Watch it, hardware...


"The Muppet Show: Bernadette Peters (#2.12)" (1977)
Waldorf: Wow! Wonderful! Wonderful! That Bernadette Peters is terrific!
Statler: Well, I reserve judgment.
Waldorf: 'Til when?
Statler: 'Til the pig tells me what to say.
[Miss Piggy appears behind them]
Miss Piggy: Bernadette Peters you can like.
Statler: I loved her! I loved her!
Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate!
Statler: I hated her!
Waldorf: Terrible mouse!
Statler: That was rotten!
Waldorf: Boo!
Statler: Boo!

Statler: Seriously, what did you think of Miss Mousey?
Waldorf: I loved her.
Statler: Me, too.
Miss Piggy: [appearing behind them] What!
Statler, Waldorf: [startled] No, we didn't!
Miss Piggy: Thank you.


The Muppets at Walt Disney World (1990) (TV)
Beauregard: Are you sure you really need all this luggage? I mean, you don't have to dress for the alligators, you know.
Miss Piggy: Alligators? Are we going to see alligators?
Alligator: Only if you're really really lucky!

Miss Piggy: Kermit, this is a stinkin' bog!
Kermit: Yes, isn't it terrific?


"The Muppet Show: Paul Simon (#5.11)" (1980)
Gonzo: As long as I'm here, I'd like to donate my body to science.
Rowlf the Dog: With your body, it would be donated to science fiction.
Janice: To donate your body, don't you have to be dead?
Gonzo: So what? I believe in re-incarnation.
Miss Piggy: What would you come back as next time?
Gonzo: How should I know? I don't even know what I am this time.

Miss Piggy: Dr. Bob, you don't look well. Are you alright?
Rowlf: I'm still in shock from what happened to my last patient.
Miss Piggy: But you cured him.
Rowlf: You don't think that was a shock?


"Muppet Babies: Treasure Attic (#3.10)" (1986)
Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette: Oh well, What have we here? Tresure stealing mutineers, eh?
Miss Piggy: Girl Pirates?
Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette: We're not Pirates, we're "Pirettes". Captain Crochette Hook.
Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette: Captain Blackwig.
Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette: And Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirettes.
[the Pirettes cackle]

Miss Piggy: Excus'e Moi, well, Have you uhh... "Pirettes" ever thought about getting into show business?
Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette, Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette, Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette: Show Business?
Miss Piggy: Um, sure! You'd make a wonderful song and dance act.
Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette: Really?
Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette, Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette, Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette: Us?
Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette: Singers?
Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette: And dancers?
[Pirettes giggle sheepishly]


John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together (1979) (TV)
Miss Piggy: [singing] Christmas is coming. The goose is getting fat. / Please to put the penny in the old man's hat. / If you haven't got a penny, then a hay-penny will do. / If you haven't got a hay-penny, then God bless you!

The Great Gonzo: [singing] Now bring us some figgy pudding, now...
Miss Piggy: PIGGY PUDDING?
The Great Gonzo: No, no, no. Figgy pudding. It's made with figgs.
Miss Piggy: Oh.
The Great Gonzo: ...and bacon.
Miss Piggy: What?


"The Muppet Show: Sylvester Stallone (#3.20)" (1979)
Miss Piggy: We must've used every dumb Hawaiian joke in the book.
Hawaiin Pig: Hey, Hawaiians aren't dumb. You'll be hearing from my people back on Noman!
Kermit the Frog: Noman?
Hawaiin Pig: Noman is an island.


"The Muppet Show: Juliet Prowse (#1.1)" (1977)
Miss Piggy: Do you prefer Shakespeare to Bacon?
Pig: I prefer anything to Bacon.


"Muppet Babies: The Great Muppet Cartoon Show (#2.10)" (1985)
Gonzo, Animal, Fozzie, Rowlf, Piggy, Kermit, Skeeter, Scooter: [all singing; repeated chorus] We love cartoons; we love all the action / We love cartoons, how they dance and sing / We love cartoons, they're the main attraction / Cartoon heroooes can do anything!


Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
Vomiting Veronica: [to her husband about going to India with Charles] Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill.
Charles: I was only trying to cheer you up, V.
Naughty Nicki: Oh, you're that Veronica!
Vomiting Veronica: Which Veronica? Charlie?
Charles: [trying to change the subject] Remember Bombay?
Naughty Nicki: When Charles and I were going out, he told me he had this interesting journey around India with Vomiting Veronica
[smiles]
Naughty Nicki: I think that was it.
Charles: [Embarrassed] I don't remember - maybe I did.
Mocking Martha: Oh, come on Charles! I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. I remember you going on about this one girl - Helena wasn't it... whose mother made a pass at you...
Vomiting Veronica: I remember this! You couldn't work it out whether or not it'd be impolite not to accept her advances!
Naughty Nicki: Helena was Ms. Piggy! So her mother was Mrs. Piggy!
[all laugh]
Miss Piggy: [who's been with them the whole time] We've both lost a lot of weight since then!


"Muppet Babies: Is There a Muppet in the House? (#5.4)" (1988)
Fozzie: [Rowlf's missing] Maybe he's under here.
[goes under the blanket]
Fozzie: Hey Rowlf!
Piggy: And Kermie's gone too...
Fozzie: [surfacing] Piggy.
[Piggy screams]
Fozzie: Maybe one of those ghosts Rowlf was talking about came and took him away.
Piggy: Don't be ridiculous.


"The Muppet Show: Edgar Bergen (#2.7)" (1977)
Edgar Bergen: What's the matter with you, Charlie?
Charlie McCarthy: Well, if you must know, I'm lonesome.
Edgar Bergen: Oh, you're lonesome? Oh, I should've guessed that. Sure. You miss the companionship of a beautiful gorgeous female.
Charlie McCarthy: Yeah, yeah.
Miss Piggy: [coming up] Did someone call me?
[Charlie looks toward her, panting eagerly, then looks back with shock]
Charlie McCarthy: Yikes! Don't look now, Bergen, but somebody left the sty gate open.
Miss Piggy: Did you say something?
Charlie McCarthy: Yeah, well, I was talking to Bergen.
Miss Piggy: Mm-hmm.
Edgar Bergen: Yes, he was just saying that he wanted to meet you.
Miss Piggy: Uh-huh. Didn't sound that way to me.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, me neither, and I said it.
Miss Piggy: For your information, you overdressed splinter, my heart belongs to Kermit.
Charlie McCarthy: You? You're in love with a frog?
[laughs]
Miss Piggy: What are you laughing at, mahogany mouth?
Charlie McCarthy: You know what we used to do with frogs?
Miss Piggy: No. You know what we used to do with wood?
Charlie McCarthy: No.
Miss Piggy: Chop it! Hi-yah!
[karate chops Charlie, but hurts herself]
Miss Piggy: Ow! Solid oak! Ah! Oh! Oh!


"The Muppet Show: Gene Kelly (#5.1)" (1981)
Beauregard: The world is going to end and when it does, something will happen that has never happened before.
Janice: You mean like if Dr. Bob actually cured a patient?
Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Or if Nurse Janice ever kept her mouth shut?
Miss Piggy: Or if we ever got one honest laugh?
Rowlf the Dog: Well, if the world's waiting for that, it will be around for a long time. Cue the announcer!


"Muppet Babies: Piggy's Hyper-Activity Book (#2.2)" (1985)
Animal: [Chugging on a bottle of root beer, and belches]
Piggy: You're dusgusting!
Animal: Thank You... hahahaah!


"The Muppet Show: Candice Bergen (#1.15)" (1976)
Miss Piggy: Kermit, do you notice that every time we have a beautiful girl on the show, you forget about me?
Kermit: Uh, yeah, well, we could have a seal act on the show, and I might forget about you.
Miss Piggy: He tries so desperately to hide his love for me.


"Muppet Babies: Noisy Neighbors (#1.1)" (1984)
Gonzo: [Turns the channel on the tv to a superhero show] Oh boy this is my favorite.
Female Citizen#1: Look up in the clouds.
Female Citizen#2: It's a duck...
Male Citizen: It's a blimp...
Gonzo: [Puts on a rug as a cape] No it's Super Gonzo!
[Goes into television set]
Kermit: Gonzo?
Piggy: Gonzo come back.
Animal: Super Gonzo?


"Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color: Disneyland's 35th Anniversary Celebration (#34.15)" (1990)
Miss Piggy: I wish I could be Cinderella.
[Gonzo suddenly appears, dressed as a fairy]
The Great Gonzo: Whoa! Sorry, landings aren't my specialty.
Miss Piggy: Who are you?
The Great Gonzo: Why, I am your fairy god... er, thing, and I am here to grant you three wishes.
[Miss Piggy gasps; to camera]
The Great Gonzo: I hope you people are getting the "Pigarella" story structure here.
Miss Piggy: Oh, Fairy God... er, thing, I want to be Cinderella and be admired for my great beauty.
The Great Gonzo: Are you serious? Don't you know you're a pig?
Miss Piggy: [offended] Hey! Listen, buzzard beak!
The Great Gonzo: Leave my nose out of this!
Miss Piggy: Oh, I wish your nose would just blow up!
[suddenly, Gonzo's long nose explodes]
The Great Gonzo: Wow, look what you did!
Miss Piggy: Oh, I'm so sorry! I wish I haven't had said that!
[suddenly, Gonzo's nose is back to normal]
The Great Gonzo: Aw, gee, I kinda liked my nose like that. Well, you have one more wish left. Why don't you wish my other nose back? I think it gave me class.
Miss Piggy: Oh, I wish you'd be more serious!
[suddenly, Gonzo's fairy costume turns into that of a businessman]
The Great Gonzo: That was your third wish. Here is your receipt. Goodbye!
Miss Piggy: [grabbing Gonzo by the neck] Hold it, beaky-brain! You are going to get me one more wish so I can Cinderella! Comprende?
The Great Gonzo: [gasping for breath] I can't give you any more wishes! It's the rule! Besides, you broke my wand.
Miss Piggy: All right! We'll do this my way, but you are going to help! Come on!


"The Muppet Show: Jaye P. Morgan (#2.18)" (1978)
Link Hogthrob: First Mate Piggy, I need your help.
Miss Piggy: Yes! A real assignment, yes, yes!
Link Hogthrob: We are losing altitude...
[Miss Piggy gasps]
Link Hogthrob: ... and we must lighten the weight of the rocket by throwing something overboard.
Miss Piggy: Oh, and you want me to help you decide what.
Link Hogthrob: No.
Miss Piggy: Huh?
Link Hogthrob: We've already decided what.
Miss Piggy: What?
[Link suddenly becomes nervous, unable to speak; Piggy looks at him closely and suddenly becomes enraged]
Miss Piggy: ARE YOU *OUT OF YOUR MIND*?
[quivers with rage]
Link Hogthrob: No hard feelings, I hope, Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy: [yelling] NO HARD FEELINGS? WHY YOU...
[Link suddenly opens a trap door under Piggy, who falls through; he then looks down at it as Piggy suddenly pops up behind him through another trap door]
Link Hogthrob: Au revoir, fatso!
Miss Piggy: [taps Link on the shoulder to get his attention] Fatso this! HI-YA!
[karate chops him, knocks him down and then stomps on him]


Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (1990) (TV)
Baby Piggy: Hey, this isn't romantic, it's not even pretty, and most important, I DON'T LIKE IT IN HERE!


"The Muppet Show: Lynda Carter (#4.19)" (1980)
Miss Piggy: Holy Guacamole! This is a job for Wonder Pig!


"The Muppet Show: Harry Belafonte (#3.14)" (1979)
Miss Piggy: [in Miss Piggy's body] Wha - ? But this is terrible, I can't live my life being you.
Link Hogthrob: [in Link's body] You think you've got troubles!
Miss Piggy: I can't captain the Swinetrek looking like this, though I am kind of cute.
Link Hogthrob: Hey, don't you dare touch you!


"The Muppet Show: John Denver (#4.1)" (1979)
[a seething Miss Piggy storms up to Kermit]
Kermit the Frog: Oh, Miss Piggy appears angry.
Miss Piggy: Angry? No, I am not angry. Your star is not angry. She is merely... disappointed.
Kermit the Frog: Disappointed?
Miss Piggy: [turns around to show backpack on her back] Yes. You have not been honest with me, Kermit.
Kermit the Frog: I haven't?
Miss Piggy: [turns back to Kermit sharply] No. When you told me we were spending a week in the swamp, you never said there would be snakes and spiders and...
[inhales]
Miss Piggy: ... alligators!
Kermit the Frog: No, I was saving the best part for a surprise.
[nods]
Miss Piggy: [incredulous] Surprise?
[Kermit nods again]
Miss Piggy: Kermie, you are out of your little green mind!
Kermit the Frog: Well, gee, Miss Piggy, I was born in the swamp. My roots are there, and I just wanted you and my other friends to see it. But we don't have to go back to the swamp. We can, uh... We can go back to where YOU were born: the sty.
[Piggy looks stunned]
Kermit the Frog: You know, where YOUR roots are.
[gets agitated]
Kermit the Frog: Where pigs eat swill! And wallow in the mud! Remember that, huh?
Miss Piggy: Huh?
Kermit the Frog: *Huh*?
Miss Piggy: *HUH*? Remember THIS!
[she karate chops him so hard that it sends him flying into the stage curtain]


"Muppet Babies: Dental Hyjinks (#1.3)" (1984)
Kermit: What's the apple for, Piggy?
Piggy: Hmmm, an apple a day keeps the dentist away.


"Muppet Babies: Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Dark? (#1.2)" (1984)
Piggy: Why are you falling asleep, Bunsen? It won't be dark for hours.
Bunsen: HOURS? I can't wait hours. I haven't slept in 3 days!
Fozzie: 3 days? Why not?
Bunsen: [points to Beaker] Him! The other night Beaker watched a movie called 'The Flying Monster that Attacked in the Dark', and since then he hasn't slept a wink, and neither have I!


"The Muppet Show: Connie Stevens (#1.2)" (1977)
Kermit the Frog: Oh, er, Piggy. Have you met Lydia?
Miss Piggy: No. Have you met my left fist?


"The Muppet Show: Roger Moore (#5.24)" (1980)
Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob treating a Viking pig] I know all about them - they come from Denmark. One of my ancestors was a Viking!
Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it?
Rowlf the Dog: Well, it's a Dane joke, but I wouldn't call it great.


"The Muppet Show: Madeline Kahn (#2.9)" (1977)
[Gonzo has gotten over his crush on Miss Piggy]
Gonzo: I found somebody else.
Miss Piggy: Oh, well, uh, yeah, what, uh...
[clears throat]
Miss Piggy: What's she like?
Gonzo: Well, she's nothing like you at all.
Miss Piggy: Mm-hmm.
Gonzo: She's BEAUTIFUL!
[Piggy looks stunned and slowly looks toward Gonzo]
Gonzo: And she's got this cute little nose. And she's intelligent and talented, and I'm very happy.
[Gonzo looks toward Piggy, who quivers in anger and holds up her fist]
Gonzo: So you see, breaking up with you isn't painful at all.
Miss Piggy: Not until now! Hiiii-ya!
[karate-chops Gonzo on the nose, twisting it into his mouth]
Gonzo: [muffled] I see what you mean.


"The Muppet Show: Leslie Uggams (#3.18)" (1979)
Miss Piggy: Holy maracas!
Big Bird: Oh, hi. I'm Big Bird.
Miss Piggy: Huh. No kidding.
Big Bird: I'm a friend of Kermit's.
Miss Piggy: Oh.
Big Bird: Yeah, we both come from the same neighborhood. Sesame Street.
Miss Piggy: Oh. Isn't that that cute little children's show with puppets?
Big Bird: Uh-huh. And who are you?
Miss Piggy: Who am I? I am Miss Piggy.
Big Bird: Oh. Well, do you work around here?
Miss Piggy: Uh, listen, yellow thing. Do you see that star here?
Big Bird: Oh, yes. It's very pretty.
Miss Piggy: And, uh, do you know why it is there?
Big Bird: Well, uh... Perfect attendance?
Miss Piggy: I am the singing star of this show.
Big Bird: A singing pig? That's very funny!
[Laughs]
Miss Piggy: Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! Hai-ya!
[swings at Big Bird, but he doubles over and she misses and falls]
Big Bird: Oh, you do acrobatics, too. She's very versatile.


"The Muppet Show: Elton John (#2.14)" (1978)
Kermit: [to the alligators] Okay, okay, how many times do I have to tell you guys: no eating guest stars a the beginning of the show. Hey, Miss Piggy - Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay?
Miss Piggy: Okay? He's fantastic!
Kermit: [to camera] Yeah.


A Muppet Family Christmas (1987) (TV)
Maureen the Mink: Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink.
Miss Piggy: What?
Kermit: She said, "Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink."
Miss Piggy: I HEARD HER! I HEARD HER!


"The Muppet Show: Florence Henderson (#1.7)" (1976)
Miss Piggy: Forgive me for being so forward, but I'm a liberated pig.


The Muppets Go to the Movies (1981) (TV)
[Backstage; Link comes hurtling through the air and lands on top of Miss Piggy. She untangles herself and stands up, furious]
Miss Piggy: Do you know what you just did?
Link Hogthrob: Yes, I flew through the air with the greatest of ease. The audience loved it. They wanted an encore.
Miss Piggy: Well, let us not disappoint them.
[karate chopping him]
Miss Piggy: HIYA!


The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
Ebenezer Scrooge: Bob Cratchit, I've had my fill of this.
Miss Piggy: And I have had my fill of you, Mr. Scrooge.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And therefore, Bob Cratchit...
Miss Piggy: And therefore, you can leave this house at once.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And therefore, I'm about to raise your salary!
Miss Piggy: Ooh, and I am about to raise you right off the pavement...! Pardon?
Kermit the Frog: Pardon?


"The Muppet Show: George Burns (#2.10)" (1977)
[a telephone is the Veterinarians Hospital patient]
Rowlf: What's wrong with it?
Miss Piggy: It's not working.
Rowlf: Well, tell it to get a job so it can pay me.
Janice: Maybe it's a PAY phone.


Muppet*vision 3-D (1991)
Kermit the Frog: And our demonstration will also include a little song from Miss Piggy...
Miss Piggy: [irritably clearing throat] Little?
Kermit the Frog: Little? Did I say little? I meant to say it's a huge, showstopping, major song from Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy: [sweetly] That's more like it.


"The Muppet Show: Raquel Welch (#3.11)" (1978)
Kermit the Frog: For tonight, we are honored to present the one and only Miss Raquel Welch.
Miss Piggy: [clears her throat] Pity we can't book an *important* guest star once in a while.
Kermit the Frog: W-What are you saying, Piggy? Tonight, we have an internationally acclaimed actress, singer, dancer, and one of the sexiest ladies alive!
Miss Piggy: You get that every night, Frog!


"The Muppet Show: Tony Randall (#5.13)" (1980)
[Tony Randall has found a spell that turns statues into pigs]
Tony Randall: Pigskin.
[Miss Piggy is transformed back to normal]
Miss Piggy: Who you calling "pigskin", fish-face?