Quotes for
Bilbo Baggins (Character)
from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Bilbo Baggins: My name is Bilbo Baggins!
Gollum: Baggines? What is Bagginses?... Precious.

Bilbo Baggins: Why don't we have a game of riddles and if I win, you show me the way out of here?
Gollum: And if he loses? What then? Well if he loses precious then we eats it! If Baggins loses we eats it whole!
Bilbo Baggins: Fair enough.

[from trailer]
Gandalf: You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins.
Bilbo Baggins: Me? No! No No No!
Gandalf: Hobbits can pass unseen by most if they chose which gives us a distinct advantage.

Bilbo Baggins: I am surrounded by dwarves! What are they doing here?
Gandalf: Oh, they're quite a merry gathering.

Hobbit: You! Mr. Bilbo where're you off to?
Bilbo Baggins: I'm already late.
Hobbit: Late for what?
Bilbo Baggins: I'm going on an adventure.

Bilbo Baggins: I have... I have never used a sword in my life.
Gandalf: And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.

Bilbo Baggins: [asking Gandalf about Radagast] Is he a very great wizard, or is he more like you?

Balin: It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.
Bilbo Baggins: Funeral arrangements?
[reads contract]
Bilbo Baggins: Oh, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit if any. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration?
Bofur: Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.
Balin: You all right, laddie?
Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I'll be. Feel a bit faint
Bofur: Think furnace, with wings.
Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I-I-I need air
Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof, you're nothing more than a pile of ash.
Bilbo Baggins: [long pause] No.
[faints]

Gollum: Is he lost?
Bilbo Baggins: Yes, yes, and I want to get unlost... as soon as possible!
Gollum: Oh! We knows! We knows safe paths for hobbitses! Safe paths in the dark... SHUT UP!
Bilbo Baggins: I didn't say anything...
Gollum: Wasn't talking to you!

Bilbo Baggins: Can I help you?
Gandalf: That remains to be seen.

Bilbo Baggins: Good morning.
Gandalf: What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it to be or not or that you feel good this morning or that it is a morning to be good on?
Bilbo Baggins: All of them at once.

Bilbo Baggins: I just need to sit quietly for a moment.
Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long!

Bilbo Baggins: [to the trolls, about cooking the dwarves] Well, I mean, have you smelled them? You're going to need something a lot stronger than sage before you can plate this lot up!

Thorin Oakenshield: Forgive me for doubting you.
Bilbo Baggins: No, it's fine. I would have doubted me too.

Gandalf: The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.
Bilbo Baggins: I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins of Bag End!
Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your Great-Great-Great-Great Uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?
Bilbo Baggins: Yes.
Gandalf: Well he could! In the Battle of Greenfields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard it knocked the Goblin King's head cleaned off and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won and the game of golf invented at the same time.
Bilbo Baggins: I do believe you made that up.
Gandalf: Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.
Bilbo Baggins: ...Can you promise that I will come back?
Gandalf: No. And if you do... you will not be the same.

[Bilbo attempts to sneak out of the cave while the company sleeps but is stopped by Bofur]
Bofur: Where do you think you're going?
Bilbo Baggins: Back to Rivendell.
Bofur: No. No. You can't turn back now. You're part of the company. You're one of us.
Bilbo Baggins: I'm not now, am I? Thorin said I should have never have come and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door.
Bofur: You're homesick. I understand.
Bilbo Baggins: No you don't. You don't understand. None of you do. You're Dwarves. You're use to this life, to living on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!
Bilbo Baggins: [Bofur's expression falls and immediately Bilbo realizes he has gone too far] I'my sorry, I didn't...
Bofur: [Bofur nods his head and looks around at the sleeping company] No you're right. We don't belong anywhere.
Bofur: I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do.
[He smiles and pats Bilbo's arm]

[last lines]
Bilbo Baggins: Yes, I do believe the worst is behind us now.

Gandalf: Well, why does it matter? He's back!
Thorin Oakenshield: It matters. I want to know - why did you come back?
Bilbo Baggins: Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right... I often think of Bag End. I miss my books, and my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong, that's home. That's why I came back... 'cause you don't have one, a home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can.

[Bilbo opens the door]
Dwalin: Dwalin, at your service.
Bilbo Baggins: Um...
[bows]
Bilbo Baggins: Bilbo Baggins, at yours.

Elrond: This is Orcrist, the Goblin Cleaver, a famous blade. Made by the High Elves of the West, my kin.
[hands it back to Thorin]
Elrond: May it serve you well.
[unsheathes Gandalf's sword]
Elrond: And this is Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer, sword of the King of Gondolin. These swords were made for the Goblin Wars long ago...
[Bilbo curiously looks at his own sword's blade]
Balin: Wouldn't bother, lad. Swords are named for the great deeds they do in war.
Bilbo Baggins: What are you saying? That my sword hasn't seen battle?
Balin: Not actually sure it is a sword. More of a letter opener, really.

Ori: That's why we need a burglar!
Bilbo Baggins: hmmm, and I good one too I would say. An Expert
Gloin: And are you?
Bilbo Baggins: [looks behind him then back] am I what?
Oin: He said he's an expert! hey hey!

[as the trolls are roasting half a dozen of the dwarves on a spit over a fire]
Bilbo Baggins: Wait, wait! You are making a terrible mistake!
Bert Troll: Eh?
Dori: You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!
Bofur: Half-wits? What does that make us?

Bilbo Baggins: [as Dwarves start musically banging cutlery on the tables] Careful! You'll blunt them!
Bofur: [Amused] Oh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!
Dwarves: [Gleefully Start Singing] Blunt the Knives! Bend the Forks! Smash the Bottles and Burn the Corks! Chip the glassed and crack the Plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins Hates!

Old Bilbo: My dear Frodo, you asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures. Well, I can honestly say I've told you the truth, I may not have told you all of it.

---

The Hobbit (1977) (TV)

Bilbo Baggins: I'm Mr. Bilbo Baggins, I've lost my dwarves, my wizard and my way.

Bilbo Baggins: A box without hinges, key, or a lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.
Gollum: Eggs! Eggs is the answer.

Bilbo Baggins: Surely you realize that your success has made you some bitter enemies?
Smaug: [laughs] Revenge? You? I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG! My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears! The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death!

Gandalf the Grey: [Bilbo and Gandalf enter Thorin's tent. Thorin lies dying] I have brought him.
Thorin: Farewell. good thief. I wish to part in friendship, and would take back my words at the gate.
Bilbo Baggins: There were many words I would take back, also.
Thorin: And does it take this to make us to see each other?
Bilbo Baggins: Thorin...
Thorin: Hush. You are no coward, my friend. I am sorry I so named you.
Bilbo Baggins: This is not important...
Thorin: I was wrong. You did understand war. It was I who did not... until now.
Bilbo Baggins: Farewell, King Under the Mountain.
Thorin: Child of the kindly West, I have come to know, if more of us valued your ways - food and cheer above hoarded gold - it would be a merrier world. But sad or merry, I must leave it now. Farewell.
Bilbo Baggins: [crying] Farewell, Thorin.

Bilbo Baggins: No hat, no stick, no pipe, not even a pocket handkerchief. How can one survive?

Bilbo Baggins: We hobbits are plain, quiet creatures. Adventures make one late for dinner.

[as the Battle of Three - ultimately Five - Armies opens, the Men and Elves and Dwarves charge each other... all from different angles]
Men: Scurvy dwarves! Thieving dwarves! Kill them!
Elves: Kill the dwarves! Chop them up! Take their heads!
Dwarves: Kill the men! Kill the elves! Save the gold for ourselves!
Bilbo Baggins: [bringing up the dwarves' rear] Personally, I'd rather be back in Hobbitton.

[as Bilbo and the dwarves are getting ready for the Battle of Three - ultimately Five - Armies, "Mister Baggins" complains about his ill-fitting war-gear]
Bilbo Baggins: This is deucedly uncomfortable. I'm certain to get a rash!
Thorin: That armor was forged in the foundaries of my grandfather. Wear it proudly, and it will carry you to victory!
Bilbo Baggins: Confusticate and be-bother victory! I hope only to be taken prisoner as quickly as possible!
Thorin: Those are the words of a COWARD!
Bilbo Baggins: The coward who flushed out Smaug? The coward who saved you time and time again? The coward who always went forward while you cringed behind?
Thorin: You don't see us cringing NOW, do you?
Bilbo Baggins: This is MADNESS! Fourteen against ten thousand, and yet you march off to certain destruction as merrily as if you were on your way to another tea party!
Thorin: Your kind will never understand war, hobbit. This is WAR!

[Bilbo has entered the Lonely Mountain, which once housed a kingdom of dwarves, but which is now Smaug's lair - Smaug is sleeping on a hill of gems and other riches, but wakes up when Bilbo reaches the heart of the mountain]
Smaug: Well, thief? I smell you, I feel your air - and I hear your breath. Come along! Help yourself; there's plenty, AND to spare.
Bilbo Baggins: [who is invisible] Oh... thank you, Smaug the Magnificent! I did not come for wealth. I wish only to have a look at you, and see if you are truly as great as tales say; I did not believe them!
Smaug: [flattered] ... Do you now?
Bilbo Baggins: They fall utterly short of reality, King SMAUG Under the Mountain!
Smaug: Hmmm... You have nice manners for a thief - and a LIAR.

Gandalf the Grey: This is a map of Lonely Mountain, given to be by your grandfather.
Thorin: What? Why wasn't it given to me, the rightful heir?
Gandalf the Grey: I have chosen my time to give it to you.
Bilbo Baggins: Oh, I do love maps! I have quite a collection of them.
Thorin: Bah! I remember the mountain well enough without this.
Gandalf the Grey: Indeed. And how do you intend to enter Smaug's chambers? Through the front gate? As a houseguest? You would be ashes before you took your seventh step.

Bilbo Baggins: The Eagles! The Eagles are coming!

[Thorin has just finished explaining the story of Smaug and Lonely Mountain]
Bilbo Baggins: So this is why you're here? To help you reclaim the gold?
Gandalf the Grey: None other.
[Bilbo squeals and faints]

Bilbo Baggins: Bother burglary and everything to do with it!

Gandalf the Grey: Surely you don't disbelieve the prophecies because you helped bring them about? You don't really suppose, do you, that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck, just for your sole benefit? You're a very fine person, Mr. Baggins, and I'm very fond of you, but you're only quite a little fellow in a wide world, after all.
Bilbo Baggins: Thank goodness!

Bilbo Baggins: Perhaps you know the way out?
Gollum: Yes, gollum. But perhaps we sits here and chats with it a bitsy, my precious. It likes riddles?

Bilbo Baggins: Oh, stop complaining! I never promised to burgle you first class accommodations.

---

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Bilbo: My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Tooks and Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfoots!
Everard Proudfoot: Proudfeet!

Bilbo: I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to.

Bilbo: I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Gandalf: I think you should leave the ring behind, Bilbo. Is that so hard?
Bilbo: Well, no.
[frowning]
Bilbo: ...and yes. Now it comes to it, I don't feel like parting with it. It's mine, I found it. It came to me!
Gandalf: There's no need to get angry.
Bilbo: Well, if I'm angry, it's your fault.
[to himself]
Bilbo: ...it's mine... my own... my precious...
Gandalf: Precious? It's been called that before, but not by you.
Bilbo: Oh, what business is it of yours what I do with my own things?
Gandalf: I think you've had that ring quite long enough.
Bilbo: You want it for yourself!
Gandalf: BILBO BAGGINS! Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks! I am not trying to rob you. I'm trying to help you.

Bilbo: Are all these children yours? Gracious, you have been productive.

Bilbo: I've thought of an ending for my book - "And he lived happily ever after... to the end of his days."

Bilbo: [voice] It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to.

Bilbo: No, thank you. We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations.

Bilbo: You will keep an eye on Frodo, won't you?
Gandalf: Two eyes, as often as I can spare them.

[holding up a mail shirt]
Bilbo: Here's a pretty thing: Mithril. As light as a feather, and as hard as dragon-scales.

Bilbo: I am sorry I brought this upon you, my boy. I'm sorry that... you must carry this burden. I'm sorry for everything.

Gandalf: Frodo suspects something.
Bilbo: Of course he does, he's a Baggins, not some blockheaded Bracegirdle from Hardbottle.

[before his 111th birthday party]
Bilbo: Gandalf, my old friend, this will be a night to remember.

Bilbo: [enigmatically] You're a good lad, Frodo. I'm very selfish, you know. Yes, I am. Very selfish. I don't know why I took you in after your mother and father died but it wasn't out of charity. I think it was because... of all my numerous relations, you were the one Baggins that showed real spirit.
Frodo: Bilbo, have you been at the Gaffer's home brew?
Bilbo: No.
[pause]
Bilbo: Well, yes, but that's not the point...

---

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Galadriel: The power of the Three Rings is ended. The time has come... for the dominion of Men.
Elrond: [in Elvish] The Sea calls us home.
Bilbo: [smiling] I think I'm... quite ready for another adventure!
[Bilbo climbs on board with Elrond. Galadriel follows with Celeborn]
Gandalf: Farewell, my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.
[Heads to the ship, then turns around, waiting]
Gandalf: It is time, Frodo.
Sam: What does he mean?
Frodo: We set out to save the Shire, Sam. And it has been saved... But not for me.
Sam: [weeping] You don't mean that. You can't leave.
Frodo: [hands Sam the Red Book] The last pages are for you, Sam.

Galadriel: The power of the Three Rings is ended. The time has come... for the dominion of Men.
Elrond: I Aear c?n ven na mar.
[Elvish: The Sea calls us home]
Bilbo: I think I'm... quite ready for another adventure.
[Climbs on board with Elrond. Galadriel gets on boat with Celeborn]
Gandalf: Farewell... my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say, Do not weep... not all tears are an evil.
[Heads to the ship, then turns around, waiting]
Gandalf: It is time, Frodo.
Sam: What does he mean?
Frodo: We set out to save the Shire, Sam. And it has been saved. But not for me.
Sam: You don't mean that. You can't leave.

Bilbo: Tell me again, lad... where are we going?
Frodo: To the harbor, Bilbo. The elves have accorded you a special honor; a place on the last ship to leave Middle Earth.
Bilbo: Frodo... Any chance of seeing that old ring again? Hmm? The one I gave you?
Frodo: I'm sorry, uncle... I'm afraid I lost it.
Bilbo: Oh... Pity. Should have liked to have held it one last time.

---

The Return of the King (1980) (TV)

Peregrin 'Pippin' Took: Fine time to fall asleep!
Bilbo Baggins: Who's asleep? Just resting my eyes.

Frodo Baggins: Oh Sam, what have I said, what have I done?

---